How Are You Inventing Your Life Today?

How Are You Inventing Your Life Today?

"Organisms do not experience environments- they create them." -- From A Simpler Way- by Margaret Wheatley Walking down Lincoln Avenue in Portsmouth- I am struck by the beauty of the day – forsyth Contd...

"Organisms do not experience environments- they create them."
-- From A Simpler Way- by Margaret Wheatley

Walking down Lincoln Avenue in Portsmouth- I am struck by the beauty of the day – forsythia- tulips and daffodils- bright sun- warm breeze – and the freedom and privilege I have to walk in a healthy body- through a friendly neighborhood- of my own volition. I think about how much I take for granted- and how easy it is to feel centered and content when life is easy- flowing- and conflict free.

The day before was not so. It was rainy- windy- and cold. I hadn/' t slept and woke up short-tempered and irritable. (Will winter never end?!) A project I/' d been putting off could not be postponed any longer- and I knew I had to finish it even though I had no inspiration for it. My body ached from hard aikido practice the night before- and I felt tired and lacked energy. I opened a window and spilled a potted plant all over my office floor. And the last piece of my favorite toasting bread had mysteriously disappeared from its storage place. Tomorrow – who knows? As my friend Carol says- life can fall on your head at any moment.

So how do I walk my talk- change my attitude- adjust my goals- and reinvent my life even when I don’t feel like it? I kept thinking: You can do this- this is great- exactly what you look for – ideal opportunities to practice . . . center- breathe- laugh. Sure- it/' s easy to be centered when things are going your way. This is the perfect day to practice – when they aren/' t.
I/' m embarrassed to say that it was still hard. The only good news that I was able to give myself was that I noticed. I could see I was having a "pity party- " which was a step in the right direction. Friend and colleague- Joy Jacobs- calls this ability to step outside our selves and acknowledge our reactions meta-communication. My meta-communicator is the role that says- Hey- Judy- you/' re really having a strong reaction to that plant falling over. Whoah! Are you sure you want to throw it through the window? Right- probably not.

The meta-communicator is the insulation between my reaction and my response. It keeps me from getting dragged down an emotionally reactive path that I will probably regret. The ability to meta-communicate is a sign of emotional intelligence- analogous to self-awareness- and essential to self-control. Without the ability to meta-communicate- I get lost in the emotion and identify with it. There is no distance- no separation between me and my mental state; the attitude- emotion- or mood overrides conscious thought and takes me wherever it wants. I can only talk about the emotion again (like this) when it/' s played itself out and I regain the ability to see it.

Centering awakens the meta-communicator. Taking a moment of literal and figurative inspiration – breathing and connecting to my power source – gives me the time and the space to decide if I want to get dragged off or not.

Pity parties are fun sometimes. I can enjoy getting together telephonically or in person with special friends. We dress up in our best long-suffering attitudes and moan about this event or that person- how much work there is to do and how little time. We bring our meta-communicators along- and we laugh at ourselves in the midst of our complaining. It/' s a lot more fun to whine with awareness.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama said- "If you don/' t like what/' s happening in your life- change your mind." How do you like what/' s happening in your life at the moment? I realize it may be a lot more challenging than winter weather in May. Still- gently experiment with changing your relationship to life events- and see what happens.

When I am willing and able to do this- to change my mind- everything changes. It begins by noticing my reactive state.
I/' m upset.
Okay - Upset Energy. How can I use it in a way that/' s congruent with my values and vision?
I take charge of it- before it takes charge of me.
I begin to travel a path of power and presence- instead of a path of reactivity and regret.
As I place that bit of padding between my reaction and my response- I reclaim my power. I reconnect with what is really important. Why am I here? What do I want to contribute to this workplace- this family unit- this relationship? What are my hopes for this conversation? How will I impact this meeting?

More sunny days and uplifting moments are on the horizon. But whatever the external or internal weather conditions- I am protected by an inner spring of insight that is always awake- aware- and available to be turned on at any moment. And I remember all that I have to be grateful for- including the privilege of having unsettling emotions.

How are you inventing your life today- this moment? Is life a struggle- or does it flow? It/' s possible that the answers are really up to you.

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