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Letting Go Of Perfection
"The power of discovery enables us to achieve excellence without having to be "perfect./' "
– Thomas Crum- The Magic of Conflict
I arrived at the conference center ready to present my workshop. A Contd...
– Thomas Crum- The Magic of Conflict
I arrived at the conference center ready to present my workshop. Almost immediately I noticed the room was too small and it was not set up as requested. There were no flipcharts and there were tables- though I had specifically asked for open space. I caught myself and smiled. I drew the word D I S C O V E R Y in large letters on a piece of newsprint and put it at the front of the room as a reminder.
Discovery
One of my favorite words- the concept of Discovery excites the brain- conjures up lost treasure- desert islands- new inventions- and old relics- something that was – up to now – unknown. Explorers discover new lands- scientists discover cures for diseases- and philosophers seek to discover the truth.
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Letting Go Of Perfection
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I first came to appreciate Discovery in The Magic of Conflict- where Thomas Crum describes it as a magical domain that "allows us to move beyond the fight- beyond success- to an open realm of possibility." When we’re in Discovery mode- we are spontaneous- curious- fascinated- and appreciative of life in all its diversity.
Young children live in Discovery and sometimes we do. Katharine Hepburn lived a life of stardom but never lost her childlike fascination with people and life. Thomas Edison’s famous quotation after many attempts at inventing the light bulb shows a person in Discovery mode: "I have not failed. I have just found 10- 000 ways that won/' t work!"
Perfection
What’s the opposite of Discovery? Perfection – a place with which we/' re all too familiar. In Perfection- things have to be done right- we have to look good- get good grades- and win the games we play. Our standards are high- and failure is to be avoided at all costs. In daily conflicts- sometimes at the expense of our dearest relationships- we have to prevail. When we feel attacked we fight back- sometimes with our own hurtful words- or with behavior calculated to control- manipulate and diminish.
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What Can I Learn Here?
We shift into Discovery- not with judgment- but with awareness – by moving from "How can I be right about this?" to: "What can I learn here?"
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In the middle of a tough meeting with your department manager- try asking yourself - "What can I learn here?" What is it about this issue that/' s important to each of us?
Upon arriving home- you find your life partner upset.Your first reaction is that it/' s something you did. But wait! "What can I learn here?" jumps into your thoughts- and you ask: "Honey- you seem upset. Anything I can help with?" And you hear: "I/' m just worried that I won’t finish this new project they gave me at work in time."
Or your teenager is exhibiting new habits that have you worried. It/' s worth checking out what the worldview is from her perspective before reaching a judgment.
We’ve all experienced moments of Discovery when we break through to a new understanding. It’s a powerful place that we like and want to revisit. The challenge is to choose to go there on purpose- especially in difficult situations. Katharine Hepburn has been quoted as saying- "Wouldn’t it be great if people could get to live suddenly as often as they die suddenly?" Shifting from perfection to Discovery is the way. Try it. Discover for yourself.
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Related Articles:
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