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Nothing More Than Feelings
"How are you Inventing Your Life Today?" – the lead story from my last issue of Power & Presence – drew comments from several readers. Most of the comments went something like: "I wish I could have t Contd...
I want to say- I wish I had the degree of control over my life that it apparently looks like I have.
Earlier this summer- several of my 20-something neighbors who live in the apartments next door had a long and lively conversation in their back yard- which lies just beneath our bedroom window – wide open on this particular warmish night. The conversation included beverages of one type or another (I hazarded some guesses)- the containers for which- when drained- got thrown (loudly) into a recycle container. These antics took place between 2:30 and 3:30 A.M.
I debated for a while whether I should get up- dress- go next door- and have a conversation of my own. After tossing and turning for about 15 minutes- I decided to communicate through my open window. I got up- and – I believe in a fairly centered way – called out: "Quiet- please." They heard me- I think- since their voices quieted a bit. And while the cans continued to go into the recycles- they did so with perhaps a bit less energy.
Self Improvement
Nothing More Than Feelings
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Defined simply- stress is the body’s reaction to a threat or challenge resulting from a situation (called a stressor) that can be either positive or negative. The body does not differentiate between...
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Stress is an inescapable fact our lives and can manifest itself regardless of one’s age- gender- or lifestyle. It affects our rational thinking capabilities and prevents us from enjoying our natura...
I remembered my story about "Inventing Your Life- " and its theme about the meta-communicator being the padding between my feelings and me. There wasn/' t much padding after a sleepless night. I talked to my husband. I honored my feelings. I even appreciated my neighbors/' cluelessness. I mean they/' re young adults having a summer outdoor party. Okay- it IS the middle of the night- but I may have done similar stuff at that age. But in spite of my best efforts at reclaiming equanimity- I mostly gave myself a pretty hard time about the fact that I/' d written that story. Here I was having FEELINGS. I can help others better manage their emotions- so why couldn/' t I manage my own? Why couldn/' t I make them go away?
I re-read my story. It helped. I didn/' t say I wasn/' t supposed to HAVE feelings- I said I was supposed to be able to be aware enough to notice them and ride their waves. I said I wanted to make behavior choices based on my better instincts instead of acting out the emotion in unconstructive ways. I guessed that I had done that with my partying neighbors. I hadn/' t been mean-spirited or behaved reactively.
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In those moments of upset- I comprehended experientially that centering doesn/' t take emotions away. On the mat of life- as in aikido- the attack will come. It may come from the outside (my noisy neighbors) or the inside (strong feelings). How will I manage the energy? Will I freeze- fight- fall over- or move in toward the energy and use it wisely? I can be centered and upset. I hope- in fact- I am centered when I/' m upset. When I/' m centered I will hold the emotional energy differently.
In time- as they always do- the feelings died down and transformed- much like the thunderstorm that also passed through that night. By afternoon I was on the actual aikido mat and back to feelings I enjoy having in my body. "Inventing Your Life" is pretty accurate. The option to have or not have feelings is not under my control (at least not yet). The ones I had that night and early morning were not pleasant or wanted- and I could not MAKE them go away. All I could do was sit with them- watch them move through body- mind- and spirit- talk about them to caring friends- and care for myself while I was having them.
Soon I will be laughing about that night. (I already am.)
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And soon I will have a longer conversation with my neighbors – in the daylight- when we/' re all centered- open to dialogue- and able to talk about how we want to live next door to one another.
Center does not equal an absence of emotion. Center equals presence with emotion. I am not a bad person because I have strong feelings. Feelings just are; they can in fact control us- or with some watching- waiting and positive intention- we can engage and direct their energy with awareness and purpose.
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