Political Humor: Are You A Dittohead?
Years ago- Rush Limbaugh coined the term "adult beverages" to refer to alcoholic drinks. Yet millions of dittoheads across the Fruited Plain lacked a guide for making the best adult beverages. So I Contd...
Just try out these great recipes:
DEAD WHITE GUY GINGER ALE
Glass: A Clay Bowl Stolen from Native Americans (by dead white conquistadors)
Ingredients:
1 Part Vodka (a colorless ingredient symbolizing white European oppression)
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Political Humor: Are You A Dittohead?
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A Splash of White Wine (reminiscent of Napoleonic French imperialism)
A Splash of Lemon-Lime Juice (made from fruit hand-picked by indentured servants)
A Dash of Sugar (due to safety concerns- no brown sugar allowed)
Instructions: While attending a college seminar on multiculturalism- with an emphasis on Native American- Afro-centric lesbian poetry- combine ingredients in a clay bowl stolen from Native Americans. Consume on Columbus Day while attacking white males who have the audacity to continue to breathe.
Origin: This adult beverage is named in honor of Christopher Columbus – a capitalist- European bigot responsible for the death and murder of eighty trillion pacifist- nature-loving Native Americans (and a man whose lone accomplishment was the "discovery" of someone else/' s backyard).
Special Warning: Under no circumstances should you add brown sugar to this adult beverage- as it is sure to be ravaged and destroyed by the racist- imperialist- homophobic white sugar already present in the ginger ale.
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AFFIRMATIVE ACTION AMBROSIA
Glass: A Measuring Cup (to ensure precise fulfillment of quotas)
Ingredients:
0 Parts Light Rum (using light rum is insensitive to minority rums)
3 Parts Dark Rum (to rectify the past injustice of rampant light rum preferences)
3 Parts Soda (cola is preferred over a lighter soda- such as Sprite)
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Instructions: While throwing an "affirmative action bake sale" on a local college campus- or campi (the preferred EIB plural form for those of you in Rio Linda)- combine ingredients in a measuring cup. Consume while labeling as "racist" any of your friends or companions who dare to add light rum to their favorite adult beverages.
Origin: This adult beverage is named in honor of government-sanctioned discrimination. Make sure that you don/' t add light rum to this adult beverage when dark rum is available instead. Failure to do so may result in court-ordered sensitivity training.
Special Note: A firm supporter of government-sanctioned discrimination- the NAALCP (National Association for the Advancement of Liberal Colored People) dreams of the day when prohibition will be re-instituted in America – with only "light" rum banished from the shores of the United States.
P.S. Forward this page to 15- 067 Rush Limbaugh fans in the next 7 minutes or you will be stricken with eight agonizing years of a Hillary Clinton presidency and/or the appointment of Ted "The Swimmer" Kennedy as your designated driver!
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